high school at 47
Oy. Online dating.
I recently posted a profile on JDate, an online Jewish dating service. Yes, I am single (and Jewish). As wonderful as I am (or at least as wonderful as I *think* I am), somehow there is no lineup of equally wonderful men flinging themselves at me. [Gee. I guess my "social capital" has gone down some since my thirties.] So I have rejoined the site of oh-so-many spoiled, disappointed, trying-to-seem-uppercrust, middle-aged unattached Jews, scowling at one another's profiles, scoping one another out, reading between the lines, and asking themselves the inevitable:
"Is s/he good enough for me?"
And, how very "high school" we become inside the anonymity of the internet!!!! Indirect, inchoate, incomprehensible, and just plain rude. People do or say things they would NEVER NEVER NEVER do or say to another human being face to face. In only several weeks I have had numerous little "non-run-ins." I'll describe several:
THE AUTHOR
One author (whom I met way back in the '80s) contacted me within days of my posting "profile.01." This version had no photographs yet. Said author (whom I really SHOULD out, although "lashon ha-ra" [gossip] is a very bad thing among Jews) and I exchanged several pleasant "J-mails" until he suddenly realized he maybe knew me already. He carefully asked me "didn't I once teach at USC?" "didn't I have a studio downtown?" [etc.] When he asked me my last name and I replied, he stopped contacting me completely. [Plus, he pulled nearly exactly the same stunt three years beforehand, when I had put myself on JDate the first time.]
THE ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE EXPERT
One man and I had a truly amazing telephone call, which ended with his saying "Will you be around tomorrow night?" That is the last we spoke. Of course, he has my phone number, and I don't have his. Hmmmmmm.
THE MANAGER
One man sent several impatient "J-mails," the first one hours after I posted my unfinished profile. He REALLY wanted to speak on the phone. I was busy each night that week, so I J-mailed that I would like to speak on the phone, but not until AFTER the intense week-and-weekend were over. Once they WERE over, I J-mailed him to thank him for his patience and to let him know I was more available now. He blocked that [plus future] J-mails. [???]
The most "high school" of all, however, is me.
I am the one allowing these non-encounters to get to me. I am the one who knows how imprecise and fraught with disaster any online communication is—very nearly no communication at all. The best communication is in person, face to face. Period. Things get misinterpreted even on the phone. One needs body language. Visual, physical, aural, verbal..... Even though I "understand" all this, I become like a little see-saw. Someone J-mails me? I'm HAPPY!!!! Someone "dumps" me? I'm UPSET!!!!!
HAPPY!!!!! UPSET!!!!!
HAPPY!!!!! UPSET!!!!!
HAPPY!!!!! UPSET!!!!!
HAPPY!!!!! UPSET!!!!!
That's what high school felt like.
What a complete waste of time.
I vastly prefer being an adult, meeting adults, working with adults, and conversing with adults.
I recently posted a profile on JDate, an online Jewish dating service. Yes, I am single (and Jewish). As wonderful as I am (or at least as wonderful as I *think* I am), somehow there is no lineup of equally wonderful men flinging themselves at me. [Gee. I guess my "social capital" has gone down some since my thirties.] So I have rejoined the site of oh-so-many spoiled, disappointed, trying-to-seem-uppercrust, middle-aged unattached Jews, scowling at one another's profiles, scoping one another out, reading between the lines, and asking themselves the inevitable:
"Is s/he good enough for me?"
And, how very "high school" we become inside the anonymity of the internet!!!! Indirect, inchoate, incomprehensible, and just plain rude. People do or say things they would NEVER NEVER NEVER do or say to another human being face to face. In only several weeks I have had numerous little "non-run-ins." I'll describe several:
THE AUTHOR
One author (whom I met way back in the '80s) contacted me within days of my posting "profile.01." This version had no photographs yet. Said author (whom I really SHOULD out, although "lashon ha-ra" [gossip] is a very bad thing among Jews) and I exchanged several pleasant "J-mails" until he suddenly realized he maybe knew me already. He carefully asked me "didn't I once teach at USC?" "didn't I have a studio downtown?" [etc.] When he asked me my last name and I replied, he stopped contacting me completely. [Plus, he pulled nearly exactly the same stunt three years beforehand, when I had put myself on JDate the first time.]
THE ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE EXPERT
One man and I had a truly amazing telephone call, which ended with his saying "Will you be around tomorrow night?" That is the last we spoke. Of course, he has my phone number, and I don't have his. Hmmmmmm.
THE MANAGER
One man sent several impatient "J-mails," the first one hours after I posted my unfinished profile. He REALLY wanted to speak on the phone. I was busy each night that week, so I J-mailed that I would like to speak on the phone, but not until AFTER the intense week-and-weekend were over. Once they WERE over, I J-mailed him to thank him for his patience and to let him know I was more available now. He blocked that [plus future] J-mails. [???]
The most "high school" of all, however, is me.
I am the one allowing these non-encounters to get to me. I am the one who knows how imprecise and fraught with disaster any online communication is—very nearly no communication at all. The best communication is in person, face to face. Period. Things get misinterpreted even on the phone. One needs body language. Visual, physical, aural, verbal..... Even though I "understand" all this, I become like a little see-saw. Someone J-mails me? I'm HAPPY!!!! Someone "dumps" me? I'm UPSET!!!!!
HAPPY!!!!! UPSET!!!!!
HAPPY!!!!! UPSET!!!!!
HAPPY!!!!! UPSET!!!!!
HAPPY!!!!! UPSET!!!!!
That's what high school felt like.
What a complete waste of time.
I vastly prefer being an adult, meeting adults, working with adults, and conversing with adults.
posted by laurelpaley at 8:54 PM
3 Comments:
Dear Laurel
I wish you find someone to share your enthuziasm in art.My husband and I don't know to much about it.Just like everybody else,but we both have soft spot for jews.So...good luck.
Hello anonymous....
And thanks for your comment (and your soft spot).
Perhaps you could find a better way?
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